He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
