He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
