I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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