It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
