Got a toothbrush?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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