it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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