im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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