Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
