i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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