Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
