I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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