the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did i walk over a car last night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
