I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
