So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
