Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
