I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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