oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Randomize
