Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
