Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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