Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
