if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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