im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
