i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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