Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
