all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize