Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
