It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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