i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
