To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just forgot I was standing up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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