There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize