Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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