I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
