Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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