So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
