Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
