Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
