U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
