everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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