i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
