Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
