Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
