im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize