Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
