i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
