margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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