drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
