I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
