you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
