when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
