We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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