2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
