there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
