Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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