I'm gonna have a badass scar
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
