White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
