Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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