And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
