tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
as a side note pls kill me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
