Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
