Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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