Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
