Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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