So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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