i permit you to call me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
