Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
